Howdy, I’m Tanya Hyde and I’ve been a fetish wrestler for 14 years.
That wasn’t what we called it ‘back in the day’. And yes, as Blaze so kindly put it, despite only being in my mid-30s I’m one of the ‘old ladies of wrestling’!
The ‘Mixed Wrestling’ scene sprang up in the UK in the early 2000s and London is actually a key international hub for the kink. It’s also referred to as submission wrestling, semi-comp, fantasy wrestling, primal play, feral play and playfighting!
I also enjoy bit of cyber wrestling (live DM kink roleplay) and currently in the London scene something very exciting is happening - the ‘conscious kink’ crowd are exploring feral play as both a sexual and non-sexual practice as a way of exploring your inner animal. Due to the way they frame and market what they do we’re seeing a lot of non-male people get involved in the space.
In my 14 years I have only ever had a session with woman, and that was as part of a couple where it was his kink, so I’m really excited to see a wider range of people get into it.
This is a three part series because I don’t know when to stop typing and Ana is very kind in giving me so much space to talk about this fetish and job I love! Hopefully you’ll find it interesting.
I’m going Sheryl Sandberg style so it’s both a personal and professional history as the two are very deeply entwined. I’m not an academic so I can only give you my experience of what it’s been like for me over the last decade and a half.
In Part 1 I go over what the kink is and how I like to define it. Just my own personal deconstruction on how I like to look at it.
Part 2 looks at how the industry is sliced in the UK. I include some of the structural and cultural problems that exist in our sector. It’s important - if a bit of a downer - because so much of our marketing is about creating a safe and exciting space where you’re the centre of attention - it’s not a space for us to gripe. The downside of that is we don’t get much support or understanding when there are problems - so lucky you, here they are!
In Part 3 I discuss how to add primal play into your life, introduce it to your partner and try a bit at home, as well as how to book a session.
You can find out when the next part is released by following Attention Whores on Twitter or Instagram.
Ready? Let’s go:
What is it?
Whatever you choose to call it, it’s a form of dominant and submissive play that usually involves your physical prowess.
That can look like many things - my two most popular services are what we call ‘semi-comp’ and ‘sensual wrestling’.
Semi-Comp is where both opponents will try to win. Winning can look like counting a pin, achieving a certain move, dominating someone and then causing them pain (safely) until they tap out. It’s competitive, and in my sessions I prefer not to use any other tools of the domme trade.
For years I actually didn’t consider myself a domme because while I have a sadistic streak I’m super nice with it. I’m not that into humiliation and I don’t use canes or rope or anything like that. Now I understand that pro-dommes come in all shapes and sizes, but that doesn’t do anything for my imposter syndrome!
The joy in Semi-Comp is that I can let my competitive side out. As the smaller partner I can use my speed, my feminine wiles and my usually superior technique…. And sometimes my dirty tricks ahaha.
It’s called Semi-Comp because we’re not trying to hurt anyone. If a big, fit guy wants a fully competitive match, they shouldn’t book me. If they want to battle a slim, lithe young thing then chances are they’re going to have to handicap themselves in some way. In some sessions we discuss what that will be (can be limiting certain moves for example) Or if they want to lean more into the fantasy then they’ll make their own adjustments, the most common being limiting the amount of strength they use.
My favourite semi-comp sessions are when my opponents tell me after that the session was actually fully competitive for them. People born with female bodies don’t put on muscle in the way those with cis-male bodies do so we can actually get quite strong and yet, like me, look very unchallenging. It’s fun, but annoying because I can’t just put up a muscle pic to get bookings - I have to rely a lot on testimonials.
My other type of booking is what I call ‘Sensual Wrestling’. The aim of the session isn’t competition, but surrender. Depending on our predilections and moods it may include a tussle, but the aim isn’t the joy of competition, it’s the joy of surrender.
I adore allowing someone to feel helpless. In a world where we are taught to be in control all the time - especially masc people - having a space where we can feel safe to let go is actually extremely important. It’s a real honour to be able to give that to someone. Watching a person realise that no matter how hard they try to escape their bodily autonomy is no longer theirs to control - watching them accept that and then enjoy it is really beautiful.
I have no problem with people who like to be humiliated - I totally understand it - but it’s not me, so depending on your interests (AND my mood!) I might use pain, or I might use pleasure while you’re under my spell, all you have to think about is how best to please me because actually - you don’t have the ability to choose anything for yourself anymore!
There are of course lots of different other types of session which are really fun. Roleplay, WAM, oil and party bookings are all great and add variety and flavour to my life. I wonder if on some level dommes are people pleasers, because I adore hearing about a person’s fantasy and then working to manifest it as reality, maybe it’s just me. Oh and there’s also people who enjoy specific moves and just want an entire session focussed on that move…watching someone sink into their fetish is so fun!
* what it’s not called is pro-wrestling. While technically correct, that’s WWE style entertainment wresting which is TOTALLY different.
Deconstructed
I recently worked with Roy at The Temple of Eros in an R&D session to help him develop a non-sexualised feral playfighting workshop (more on that later), and consulting in this way really helped me to deconstruct exactly what it is that I offer.
I call them The 4 S’s
Safety
When you visit a pro there’s so much that goes on behind the scenes that you don’t see. Like with any true expert the easier they make it look, the better they are. If you’re a sex worker and want to learn how I do that, I offer mentoring sessions!
The biggest thing you probably don’t see is that I’m looking out for your safety at all times. When you’re playing with a recreational partner, you’re both taking responsibility. Even as a submissive you build up trust, you are keeping an alertness to make sure that the dominant partner is actually doing everything right.
In a professional setting, we start the session 15 minutes after meeting and you might not have any experience at all, even worse, you might think you know more than you do. As the (insured) professional it’s my responsibility at all times to look after both our safety. I will confidently alter a session if I think that it’s unsafe. Quite often, the thing that you say you want is not the thing that you really want. There are little things that I can do to give you what you really want, without giving you what you say you want. Of course - that’s only if I think the thing you want is unsafe!
I do have some blanket rules. For example, I now don’t offer KOs. Breathplay is extremely contentious in the kink scene regarding whether it should be done at all. I was hoping as a professional I would be able to develop it as an offering with the highest level of safety, however I found that in the wrestler-client relationship the client often feels safer - which is perfect - but because they feel safer, they are not giving me the feedback that I need to take responsibility for both of us.
I’d actually be really interested to learn more so as soon as someone lists breathplay coaching on Attention Whores I might think about reversing that position.
Here’s an example of something a bit less extreme: with new people or improper surfaces, I’ll always hold your head when I throw you. If I can’t hold your head, I won’t throw you. I’ll even give you an easy way to get out of my clutches after I throw you so I can hold your head.
As you get more experienced you learn to tuck your chin. If you’ve ever done a martial arts class you’ll know the first thing you drill is how to fall. While I only ever wrestle from the knees, until you learn to tuck in, rather than throw your head back, I’m going to compromise my effectiveness in favour of safety.
You probably won’t damage yourself too much om thick mats, but a bump on the head can still ruin the mood!
Sensitivity
This is the second thing people learn. While a lot of girls are brought up too shy, a lot of boys are brought up too confident and I find that a lot of masc people, the moment they feel the excitement of their own lust in a feral environment lose their sensitivity.
I totally get it and as a pro. It’s novel, it’s the first time you’re allowed to be violent in society, or in my case, to have a sexy woman throw you around. In the excitement you sink into what you enjoy and lose your ability to tune into your partner.
As a pro, sensitivity is probably my most important skill. Less so now, but definitely back in the day, people would come to me and ask for ‘wrestling’ but wouldn’t be able to communicate what that meant. Anyone who’s spent time in the kink scene understands that there can be infinite ways to do the same thing. Intent is important, as is understanding what part of the activity is fetishised. Over the years I’ve learned very quickly to pick up on subtle signals that indicate what people’s desires and fetishes are (again, shameless plug, SWers - hire me if you want to know more!). This is what makes every session so unique and special. I adore learning about and delivering exactly what you fantasise about. It gives me great joy. When I do it without you noticing, it’s even more intoxicating for me.
In a recreational setting you have much more opportunity to explore because you have the benefit of time, and also the ability to experiment and get things wrong. You can start super slow with intentional practices such as a thumb war or a stroking session (more on this in Part 2) and slowly learn your partner and how to handle them.
Skills
When people think of training this is the first thing they think about. How do you do X move. Some years into my career I was having a mini match with a friend who wasn’t into the pro scene, and he said that my fighting style was really weird.
We realised that rather than focussing on a fast win (as is done in martial arts) what I do is string a bunch of fetishised moves together. Maybe less so now but back in the day when most people into the kink came had action movie and pro-wrestling influences the activity was more about the moves than the ability to win quickly and efficiently.
At my first proper studio (the legendary London Wrestling Studio) there was a very clear line between sex and wrestling. It wasn’t to be considered erotic, there were no extras to be offered and while I wouldn’t say it was demure, it was certainly all about the sportier side of wrestling.
As the scene has evolved and it’s grown closer to the pro-domme world (more on this later) the understanding that while the wrestling itself can be the fetish, there are lots of psychological aspects.
That’s why I think I didn’t consider myself a pro-domme for a long time. The people involved were all either models (for the oil wrestling bachelor parties), bodybuilders (for the worship sessions) or had a martial arts or sporting background.
These days I can dominate you without touching you. The moves themselves are the tools that I use. With nothing except my body (my small, girly feminine body) I can overpower you without anything else.
I can absolutely teach you a school girl pin (terrible move, very in demand!) and how to put on the most effective scissor - and these ‘classic’ fetish wrestling moves are very fun, but if you’re interested in exploring your primal side in the bedroom, I’d say don’t get stressed about what you do and don’t know, that’s something you can build up over time.
Of course, if you’re a scissor fetishist - learn all the variations and call it a day!
I can teach you how to start feeling your feral selves from our first session together, and I’m also happy to teach you the moves that I love to use to cause pleasure and pain, but so long as you’re being safe and sensitive with yourselves and each other, the moves will come in time. If you’re looking to get into the play, don’t worry about doing the moves ‘right’.
Seduction (optional)
Purrrrr! I don’t offer sexual services during my sessions, but they are 100% knock your socks off erotic - if that’s what you’re after.
If you’ve ever watched those stripper videos on YouTube where they show you the moves and are fully clothed you’ll know how hot under the collar it’s possible to get without doing anything explicit.
In the same way you can do rope with a friend, you can totally enjoy primal play with a friend. It’s tantalising, electric and fun!
This is the optional one because it can get very sexy. ‘Sex fighting’ is a growing porn genre (there’s some great stuff on Literotica) and Kink.com have a whole channel for it.
Something I’m really passionate about is empowering people to feel their sexy selves. I 100% objectify myself during sessions - and it’s sooo fun. Releasing someone’s hand when I have them pinned to allow them to feel the curve of my waist. Putting on a move that allows them to look up at me in my full glory while they’re trapped under me makes me feel so very sexy. I wear special outfits, do my hair and make up in a certain way - and then enjoy swaying up the stairs to the mat room with you following behind me, knowing exactly where your eyes are.
Objectification is fun when it’s consensual, and giving my clients the permission to ogle me is a treat for both of us - because it’s something that we’re taught is un-feminist and have to restrain ourselves from doing in default life.
Primal play, like burlesque, stripping or nudist spaces are a lovely way to get in touch with your body. We spend so much time in our minds, it’s a beautiful thing. When you use your body to dominate someone - when you know they could overpower you but their lust for you is so strong all they can do is surrender… mmm delicious.
Whetted Appetite?
Stay tuned for Part 2 and 3 on Attention Whores Twitter or Instagram and if you want to subscribe to me personally you can find me on My Twitter and My Instagram!